You will always be my Expecto Patronum

Today is my very first Halloween costume party.

With an eyeglass and lightning scar on the forehead, a Harry Potter character proved to be a convenient solution to my required participation. Although a black garbage bag for magic robes and hair stick for my wand are my only accessories, I feel contented.

At the same time, I can’t help but still think of you… about this past few days.

In Harry’s world, they can fight off dementors with the magic chant of expecto patronum wherein they think of something that makes them happy.

I can only think of you. You were my happy thought. Except that in the past few days, losing you seemed scarier than having my life sucked out of me by imagined dementors.

Still, you bring some joy in me whenever I think of the happy times. It just pains me that I can not do the same for you.

This one’s for You

You asked me once why I have never blogged about you… about us… the way I previously blogged about my lovelife. I can’t recall what answer I gave you. In retrospect, my subconcious might be the reason. You see, all of the previous ones I blogged about turned out in vain.

There was nothing extraordinary when we met. We were just two strangers getting acquainted. No sparks flew right away. Our relationship moved in a slow and easy way.

Then, both of us were pleasantly surprised to see our growing friendship deepen into something more wonderful… special… extraordinary. Seeing that, I found no reason to ruffle the feathers so-to-speak. I felt no obligation to mess things up – blog entry or not.

Next, came the four best years of my adult life. I have someone who loved everything about me and in spite of everything about me.  But  most of all, I finally had a family I so desperately wished for.

There probably lay my fault. I succumbed to complacency. I’ve stopped exerting effort for you, for us. I ignored the telltale signs. Or I was just late to act on it.

Now, I have finally blogged about what used to be US. But I digress. I am not yet resigned to the fact that OURS share the same fate as that of the previous ones. It hurt so bad, that I’d try anything to make it go away. Perhaps blog about it till it hurts no more. Anything.

Tomorrow night, you’ll call reminding me it’s time to prepare for work. And the following day, I will annoyingly wake you up with chocolates.

in denial,
Rex